


Standards of Beauty

by soprano193



Category: Castle
Genre: Alopecia, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 03:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4288266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soprano193/pseuds/soprano193
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beckett shows her daughter exactly what it means to be beautiful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Standards of Beauty

The fact that Castle could do Charlotte’s hair better than Kate was a matter of great pride to him.  The way their daughter brought him the elastics and hairbrush in the mornings, her wide grin ready for the day ahead was the highlight of his day.  

The first time he noticed that dime sized bald spot in the center of her part, he tried to dismiss it.  He stopped gathering her hair into two equal sections, and instead did one French braid down the center of her head.  He didn’t ask questions or mention it to her, figuring that she must have just cut it for some reason.  He explained it to Kate, just so she wouldn’t be surprised by it when she did Charlotte’s hair, and that was the only time he mentioned it.

Kate was just as perplexed as he was.  "Castle, if she cut it, it would be stubby, not smooth, right?“  

He shrugged, kissing that crease in the center of her eyebrows that appeared every time she worried about their children.  "That makes more sense,”  he agreed, remembering how odd the smooth patch of skin had felt hidden in the rest of her thick locks, “but maybe we should just wait and see how this all plays out.  I’m sure it will grow back.”  Kate had agreed, and together they had watched that spot, waiting for stubby brown hairs to poke through her porcelain skin.

Instead, another spot appeared, this one larger and around the size of a quarter, right behind her left ear.  "Hey Char, any idea what happened to your hair right here?“  He tried to keep his voice calm as he asked, trying not to sound upset.  If it was a mistake, he didn’t want to seem too angry, and scare her into not talking.  But if something was wrong, they needed to get out ahead of it.

She reached back and found the same place he had, circling her fingers over the strange bare spot.  "Dad, what did you do to my hair?”

He could hear the slight panic edging into her normally calm voice.  “Sweetheart, I didn’t do anything.  There’s just two bald spots on your head, and I thought you might know where they came from.”

“Two?”  She jumped up and ran to a mirror, her hands searching through her hair for the other bald spot.  She took a closer look at the one behind her ear.  She turned back to look at her father, worry reflected in her blue-green eyes.  “Daddy, I don’t know what that is, or how it got there.”

“Okay, okay.”  He started, his voice soothing.  “How about I make your hair look really pretty now, and while you’re at school I’ll call the doctor, and we’ll get this all sorted out.”

Her fingers hadn’t left the spot behind her ear.  “What if everyone notices?”

Castle shook his head, pulling her closer to him by her elbow.  “They won’t, I promise.”  That seemed to quell her fears enough for her to drop her hand, returning to the chair in front of him so he could continue her braid.  When he finished, he kissed the top of her head and waved her away.  She joined her older siblings at the island, where they were eating breakfast before they all made their way to school.  Her hand still floated to her ear, where Castle had worked his magic and hidden the bald spot.  

He found Kate in their bathroom, brushing her own hair back into a tight bun, securing it with bobby pins.  “I found another spot on Char’s head.”  He spoke on a whisper, as if speaking quietly so no one could hear would make the problem go away.  Kate’s eyebrows knotted together with worry as she met his eyes in the mirror.  “I asked her about it and she had no idea.  I freaked her out, Kate.  I don’t know what to do.”

“This isn’t normal.  We need to call the doctor.”  Her practical answer was the kick he needed to do so, and they made an appointment for the next week.  

Their doctor referred them to a specialist.  By the time they made it to that specialist, Charlotte had six circular bald spots on her scalp, and they were getting harder and harder to hide.  Castle was afraid to brush her hair, fearing that he would pull more of it out.  But that’s when they had a diagnosis.  Alopecia Areata.  Her immune system was attacking her hair as a foreign object, and that’s why it was falling out.  With steroids and creams, it might grow back, but she might also lose it all.  And they were powerless to stop it.  

They all drove home in silence.  In the grand scheme of things, it was okay.  She was healthy, this wouldn’t kill her, and it wasn’t contagious.  But that was the day that they saw their daughter retreat into a shell of herself.  She no longer ran up to him with a hair brush and elastics for him to put her hair up before school.  She stopped going to dance because people could see her spots no matter how they tried to pull the bun.  She stopped inviting people over after school, and stopped going over to her friends’ houses.  There were changes in the family dynamic too.  Kate never mentioned the word ‘hair’ fearing that it would somehow make their fragile eleven-year-old cry.  Elizabeth stopped curling her hair before school, finding it unfair that she could still feel pretty when her younger sister couldn’t.  Oliver hadn’t given Charlotte a noogie since the day he had removed his fist from her head with a large amount of her thick brown hair trapped between his knuckles.  Castle hated how everyone walked on eggshells now, it was like they were all waiting for someone to snap.

He did what he always did, try to make things better by being hopeful.  “It can’t be that bad, sweetheart.”  He told her one day.  “It sounds so pretty.  They wouldn’t give a terrible disease a name that sounds so pretty.  It could be way worse.”  It was a stretch even for him, but he just wanted her to realize that it wasn’t the end of the world.

She had let a few tears escape at that, hiding her face from his view.  “It sounds so pretty but it makes me ugly.  I just want my hair to grow back.”

He wrapped himself around her at her words.  “Never ugly, sweetheart.  You could never be ugly.  You are the most beautiful girl that I know.”  

She sniffled.  “You say that to Mom, Beth, and Alexis too.  We can’t all be the most beautiful.  I’m the one losing my hair, so that makes me the ugliest of all.”  Her words struck him in his chest and made him ache for his daughter back, the one who didn’t care how pretty she looked, who was confident, and strong like her Mother.  He wished with all his heart that he could take this from her, so that she would come back to them.  All he could do was rock her back and forth, and whisper how beautiful she was into her ear, and hope that she heard it.  

All summer she hid out in her room, coming down for family meals, and every once in a while playing music on the stereo and doing one of her old routines in the living room.  She had taken to wearing one of Kate’s old Yankees hat’s around the house, and sometimes a Red Sox one just to try and get a rise out of her Mother.  Kate never said anything about it though.  “I don’t want her to feel pressured to take it off in front of us if she doesn’t want to.”  Kate had explained.  

“She just wants to get you to laugh at her, to tell her to get that trash off of her head.  She wants things to be normal.”  He explained, seeing through his daughter’s plan, the way her face fell each time Kate didn’t mention the red letter ‘B’ on the blue cap.  

One day, two weeks before school started she came down without the cap.  Her hair was so sparse.  They knew it was getting bad, but they didn’t know just how bad it had become.  She called them into his office, and sat at the desk, her blue-green eyes flickering back and forth between her parents.  “School is starting soon and I can’t go back looking like this.  I want to get a wig.”

Castle let out his breath at her words.  He was afraid she was going to say she didn’t want to go back.  And she was as strong willed as Kate was when she wanted something.  “We can do that.  We’ll go on your Mom’s next day off.”

“I want to go tomorrow.”  She countered, crossing her arms across her chest.  

“I mean, I have to work tomorrow, but you can go with Dad if you’d like.”  Kate offered, sinking down into the chair in front of the desk.  

“I’ll be happy to take you.”  Castle grinned at his daughter.  “I just thought you might want Mom there to give you all sorts of girly advice.”  

Charlotte considered it, her mouth gathered on the left side of her face as she mulled it over.  “I trust Daddy.  He knows what he’s talking about.”  She reaffirmed her decision with a single nod of her head, her eyes fixated on him.  

“Then it’s settled.  We’ll go tomorrow.”

He saw the faintest hint of a smile inch across her face before it completely disappeared, as if she just remembered she was still upset.  “Thank you.”  She pressed a kiss to each of their cheeks, melting into his embrace for a little while before retreating back up to her room, away from the prying eyes.  

They both watched her leave, Castle draping his arm over his wife’s shoulder and pulling her close to him.  They stayed like that, each off in their own world.  It was Kate that spoke first, her voice startling him back to reality.  “Just promise me that no matter how it goes, you’ll let me know?”

He kissed the top of her head.  “Of course.”  He walked around to his desk and sat, pulling out his laptop and powering it on.  “I think I should try and find out just where we go to buy a wig in the city, don’t you think?”  

Kate grinned, resting her head in her hand on the front of his desk.  “Your mother might know where to look.”  He was about to make a remark about costume wigs when he heard her laughter and looked at her instead.  Her eyebrows raised as he met her eyes, and he prayed that things were slowly returning to normal.  

The next day, armed with knowledge he didn’t have the night before, he set out with Charlotte to a place he had heard had great reviews.  Inside there were hundreds of wigs on display, in numerous styles and colors; it was somewhat overwhelming.  The workers were extremely helpful, finding a wig that fit Charlotte perfectly that almost matched the chocolate brown hair that she used to have.  It was way shorter than her hair used to be though, the ends of the wig hitting her shoulders instead of floating down to the middle of her back.  It had bangs, something Charlotte hadn’t had since she was five.  But it looked good, and she seemed more confident, leaving the store with a smile on her face.  

For the first time in months, Charlotte wanted to be outside.  She would run down to the end of the street, turn around, and run back, glowing with excitement as she felt the wind in her face again.  She grabbed his hand, pulling him along with her.  “Daddy, Can we go to the park please?”

He laughed at her eagerness, jogging to keep up with her little body of energy.  “How could I say no to you, sweetheart?  Let me just call your brother and sister, they might want to join us.”

He was on the phone with Oliver for less than a minute, who assured him that both he and Elizabeth would use the car service and meet them in the park.  Charlotte squealed with glee and ran down the street again, stopping at the crosswalk and turning her head.  She waved her arm forward with impatience, giving him one of the Beckett eye rolls that both of their girls somehow inherited.  “Dad! You coming, or what?”  

He laughed and jogged up to meet her, slipping his hand into hers.  “Let’s go.”

Elizabeth and Oliver got to the park at the same time they did.  Charlotte ran up to them, hugging them both.  She turned a few times, letting her wig bounce as she showed it off.  Elizabeth reached out tentatively to touch it before smiling, her blue eyes shining.  “You look great, sis!”

With the wig, Charlotte was more confident, back to her old self.  She could be a kid again.  It was amazing how something so simple could really change her perspective on life.  He would spare no expense to see his daughter like this again.  He started thinking about other families, ones who couldn’t afford the thousand dollar wigs to make their children feel that kind of joy again.  Maybe he could run a charity with Charlotte, one that donated wigs to kids like her, so that they could feel the joy again like she had.  A buzz in his pocket made him snap back to reality, the worried text from his wife making him realize he forgot to tell her how it went.   _So far so good?_   

He grinned as he typed out his reply.   _Better than ever.  Our girl is back, Kate.  You should see her!_

Her response was quick, and he hoped she hadn’t been waiting for too long.   _I’m so glad to hear it!  I can’t wait to see it when I get home!_   Considering how Charlotte had shown off for her siblings, she probably wouldn’t mind showing off for her mother as well.  He turned back to watch his children play, Charlotte and Elizabeth playing tag, Oliver on the swings.  He relaxed, glad that everything felt back to normal.  

Everything went downhill on the climbing wall.  Charlotte had just started climbing up, she wasn’t more than a foot off the ground, when a kid above her fell.  He reached for anything he could to break his fall.  Unfortunately, what he grabbed onto was Charlotte’s wig.  He yanked it right off of her head as he landed on his back, screaming out in pain and horror, as if he thought he had pulled off her entire scalp.  Oliver was there first, always the protective older brother.  He scooped her off the wall, placing his Yankees hat on her head to minimize her embarrassment.  Castle ran towards them, grabbing the wig from the boy’s hands.  Elizabeth met them as they ran for the road, hailing a cab.  At the curb, Castle handed the wig to Elizabeth and took Charlotte from Oliver’s arms.  She buried her head in his neck, her tears wetting his t-shirt.

It was in the cab that they all managed to squeeze into that she finally spoke, her voice cracking from her tears.  “Did you see the way he looked at me?  He thought I was ugly.  I just want my hair to grow back.”

“Char, he didn’t think that.”  Castle soothed, his voice low to calm her down.  “I think he was afraid that he hurt you.  Like he pulled out all your hair or something.  He wasn’t even looking at you sweetheart!”  He pressed a kiss to her temple.  “Besides, you aren’t ugly.  You could never be ugly.”  He felt like he was talking in circles.  How many times has he had this exact same conversation with her?  He thought they’d be done with this.  

She sniffled next to him, the wig sitting in her lap.  “This was a stupid idea.”  She wiped tears from her eyes as she talked.  “I can’t go swimming, I can’t go to sleepovers, and people can pull it off.  I just wanted to feel normal again.”

He wished he had the answers for her, but he didn’t.  They didn’t know if her hair would grow back.  Until then, they had to make the best of a bad situation.  Why did this have to happen now, when her self-confidence is at it’s most vulnerable stage, when girls start comparing themselves to others and really noticing their differences?  He wished he could make it all better for her somehow, but all he could do at the moment was hold her tight, and whisper soothing words to her as she cried.  

At home, she retreated to her room.  No one bothered her.  It was as if no one knew what to say.  They didn’t want to discuss the incident, and worked hard to find other random things to talk about.  He finally texted Kate, told her what happened, and ended the message with  _I just don’t know what to do anymore._

He waited for her response for hours.  He could see that she had read the messages, but had seen nothing from her end, not even a flicker of the little speech bubble with those three dots telling him that she was typing.  He didn’t know what he expected her to do while she was at work, and she couldn’t help him fix the problem from where she was right now.  But he had at least expected an ‘ok’ or a ‘we’ll talk when I get home.’  He hated when she went radio silent.  

It was a little before nine when she finally responded.   _I’ll be home in ten.  I want to talk to her, so make sure she’s still up._   He sent her the obligatory  _will do_  and made his way up to his daughter’s bedroom.  

He knocked, waiting for her invitation before he opened the door.  She was curled on her bed, in her Minnie Mouse pajama pants, Superfudge cracked open on the bed in front of her.  “Mom will be home soon, she wants to talk to you.  Want to wait for her downstairs?”

“I don’t want to talk to anyone.  I just want to be left alone.”  She didn’t look up from her book as she spoke.  

Castle shook his head.  “I get it.  Today was embarrassing.  But you can’t take it out on your Mother.  She wants to talk to you.  You either talk to her downstairs, or I send her up here, but you are talking with her.”  He kept his voice level but firm, trying to make sure that she understood that she couldn’t ignore them just because she’d had a bad day.  

Charlotte huffed.  “I’m coming.”  She reached for the Yankees hat but changed her mind before her fingers connected with it, grabbing the Red Sox cap instead.  She put it on her head and followed him down to the living room, where she curled up with her book.  Castle sat next to her, eager to see what his wife had planned.  

Kate entered a few minutes later, a new Yankees hat and a hoodie pulled up around her face.  “Char?”  She called out as she kicked off her heels.  

“In here.”  The girl called back.  She folded the corner of the page she was on and put the book down in her lap as Kate approached.  

Kate knelt down so that she was eye level with Charlotte.  She took her daughter’s hands in hers, rubbing soothing circles into her palms.  “I did something crazy today.”  She started.  

Charlotte’s eyebrows furrowed as she studied her mother’s face.  “So, are you going to tell me, or what?”  

“I’ll do you one better.  Let me show you.”  With that, Charlotte’s blue green eyes widened as Kate pushed her baseball cap back, revealing her newly shaven head.  Castle’s eyes widened as well.  There wasn’t even stubble, nothing but her skin stretched over her skull.  It wasn’t the response that he was expecting from her.  

When she was finished gaping, it was Charlotte who spoke first.  “Mom!  Why?”

Kate grinned, her smile magnified when there was nothing else to focus on.  “I did it for you.  So you wouldn’t be alone.  And I did it to teach you a lesson.”  Charlotte’s face scrunched at that.  “But it’s one I think you are old enough to understand.  I did this to say ‘fuck you’ to these stupid beauty standards that we have to live up to.”

Charlotte’s eyes widened at the profanity, and she giggled.  “Mom, you…”

“I know, I owe you a dollar, and I’m sure I’ll owe you a few more when I’m done talking to you.”  She took a breath, looking into the air as she figured out what she wanted to say next.  “Char, what makes someone beautiful?”

The girl rolled her eyes.  “I get it.  I’m beautiful, I don’t need hair.  Dad keeps telling me that.”

Kate nodded.  “Yes, but do you really get it?”  At Charlotte’s shrug, she continued.  “So, do you still think that I’m beautiful without my hair?”

The tween’s head bobbed up and down with enthusiasm.  “Of course you’re beautiful, Mom!  You’ve always been beautiful.”  The words resonated in Castle’s soul as he watched them converse.  

“What about me is beautiful?”

Charlotte gathered her mouth on the left side of her face while she considered her options.  “Your eyes.”  She finally settled on.  “They’re sort of in between brown and green, and change color with your outfits.  Oh!  And your outfits are always really cute, especially your shoes.  And your laugh is beautiful, it always makes me smile.”  Charlotte rattled off Kate’s features easily now that she had warmed up, and Castle found himself smiling along as he agreed with each of her points.  

Kate beamed.  “Thank you, baby girl.  Now, can I tell you what makes you beautiful?”  He watched as Charlotte nodded her head, her face becoming serious.  “First, your smile.  Honey, when you are happy you don’t just smile with your mouth.  You smile with your entire body, from your mouth, to your eyes, down to your toes.  You radiate happiness, and it’s contagious, and you are never more beautiful than when you are smiling.”  At the mention of her smile, Charlotte starts to grin, a tear escaping from her eye and running down her cheek.  “Second,” Kate continued, “your dancing.  Baby girl, I know you are alive right now, but I have never seen you more alive than when you are on stage.  And these past few months, when you do your routines, I just want to cry because you’re so sad.  I want you to find joy in that activity again, because you deserve it.”  

Charlotte nodded her head and sniffled, removing one of her hands from her Mom’s to wipe her eyes.  “I miss dance.”

“I know you do, sweetheart.  And as soon as you are comfortable enough, I will drive you to rehearsals myself, I promise.”  Kate rubbed Charlotte’s cheek with her free hand.  “Third, your compassion.  You care so much for everyone and everything, and that is inspirational.  Not everyone would climb down two floors on a fire escape just to release a spider so Oliver wouldn’t kill it.”  At that the girl laughed, remembering the day vividly.  Kate giggled along with her, squeezing the tween’s hands.  “That monster was too big for me, and I’m not even afraid of spiders.  But you wanted to save it, because you care about every little creature on this earth.  That is what makes you beautiful.  Not your hair.”  She leaned up and pressed a kiss to Charlotte’s cheek.  “So.  Fuck these dumb beauty standards, and understand that there is so much more than just hair that makes you beautiful.”

Charlotte nodded, her eyes dancing with true happiness for the first time in months.  “Okay.  I’ll try to remember that.”

Kate gave a curt nod before standing up.  “Good.  Now, I want you to get that piece of garbage off of your head and show me your new wig.”

At the mention of her baseball hat, Charlotte laughed, hopping up from the couch.  “Okay, okay.  Sorry!  I’ll throw it out later.”  And with that she took off.

Kate turned to look at rick, who was grinning like an idiot at the scene before him.  She reached up and touched her bald head, suddenly looking nervous.  “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I just thought we needed to do something crazy to help her, and I wasn’t sure how you’d take it.  Plus, I got worried that if I waited any longer I’d lose my nerve.”

“Kate, you don’t have to apologize!”  He told her, seeing her relax.  “I think it was brilliant and inspired, and you definitely got the point across.”  He reached out, touching her bald head.  “I’d do it too, but then everyone would think I was copying you.”

She laughed at that, walking into him and wrapping her arms around his waist.  “You would be copying me.”  She leaned up to press a kiss to his lips.  “So, what do you think?  On the plus side, I’ll save a lot of money on shampoo.”  

It was different.  But he kept hearing her speech in the back of his mind, about how her beauty was more than hair.  And one of the things that made her beautiful was seeing how she would go to extraordinary lengths to make sure that their children were comfortable.  She had shaved her head just so that her daughter would still have someone who looked the same, someone who could help her understand true beauty.  His wife was more beautiful than he had ever known, and she got more beautiful every day. “It’s perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Caskett’s daughter has alopecia. Beckett shaves her head to show her that there is more to being beautiful.


End file.
